First Time Haikus

Berry wine coolers.
Better than KY jelly.
I am lubed for love.

In throes of passion.
Words tremble across my lips.
“That’s not the right hole.”

Ready to do it,
All I could think of was Mom.
What is wrong with me?

Oh, how I recall
How you made me who I am:
A big ol’ homo!

Oh, summer lovin’
I did NOT have me a blast
But, it happened fast!

Six shots and one joint
Rough and wild on his dorm floor
The stain is still there.

We went to the lake
I gave him my heart that night
He gave me a kid.

Note to my first love:
Just because you think it’s big,
Doesn’t mean it is

Condom popped off - too small.
Shot my eye out with his gun
ER disaster

He was a Monet
Good from far, but far from good
Sex was not art

Adolescent love
We were both oh so horny
Ten seconds, I came!

Too much tequila
Made me think you were sexy.
Next morning regrets.

It was just okay.
The boy’s name was Anthony.
His weiner was small.

Oh oh oh oh oh.
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes.
Life begins right now.

New Years Eve champagne
Awkward sex position
Whiskey dick ruined it

It lasted 6 hours
I came twice, he just could not.
Oh, what irony